The Grief of Expectations

Philosophers have long since argued that the root cause of our suffering is our expectations. And it is simple, after all. We have never grieved our present. We have always grieved the version of the present that we wanted. 

What do we want, though? Happiness? Money? Peace? Love? The question is quite simple, but it's answers are complicated. No matter how much you achieve, discontent always runs under your skin. Sometimes, life feels right. You fall in love. You run into old friends. You get the job you wanted. 

But what happens when we don't get the things that we want? 

What happens when your friends leave? When your relatives die? When you see your savings drain away?

You build an entire life- an entire future around a person. Or around a career. Or around a city. And then, there comes a time, where it all falls apart. 

No one escapes this. Not me, not you. 

The reason is entropy. Everything in the universe is ultimately destined for chaos. We are all steadily moving towards chaos. Disorder. Physicists call it the second law of thermodynamics. 

Life is rarely so clinical, however. Intuitively, we know that it will all eventually come to an end. And yet, we hope, we pray that it doesn't. That life doesn't take away the things that we love. That we don't bury our loved ones. That we don't leave the city we love. 

It doesn't work. 

And that's why we grieve. Grief enters when you wake up one day and realize that your life is not the way you expected it to turn out.  Grief is when you remember how good things used to be, and how they aren't anymore. 

You unfulfilled expectations are your grief. And this is a burden all of us carry. 

The question is, can you really escape your expectations? The Buddha famously said,

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not. 

But how true is it? Can you really escape suffering? I have always thought that suffering was woven into the very fabric of human existence. It sounds dire, but isn't it true? Everyone suffers. 

Perhaps, I'm asking the wrong questions. Perhaps, life isn't about "not suffering", but about choosing the things that you suffer over. Viktor Frankl would argue that if you have to suffer- suffer for a higher purpose. Find your meaning in suffering, he would say. 

Ah, now here it is. Another thing to worry about. "Find your meaning". Some self-help books would neatly label it as "Ikigai" and sell it to you. 

But how do you find your meaning? Do you volunteer at non-profit organizations? Do you help the poor? What exactly do you mean by "life's purpose"? Is it supposed to help people as well as give you some form of joy?

Ultimately, I think, we take life too seriously. Find your meaning. Practice mindfulness. Pick up hobbies because "empty vessels make more noise". Have you tried pottery, yet? 

We treat life like some checklist, and then go through our days with frightening monotonicity which defeats the entire point of life. 

What is the point of life, you would ask?

To live. 

And we have forgotten that. Isn't that the saddest thing ever?