Why our search for love leads us to ourselves

The human projection of love is flawed. And that is ironic because the human projection of love is "perfect". Love is supposed to be selfless, kind, non-discriminatory. Yet, it doesn't often feel that way. Love can feel heavy. Love ties you down to people, to places. Love brings pain and suffering and attachment. And that's where the divide actually arrives: our expectations of an ideal love and our reality. Because love is flawless, divine and yet, when someone falls in love, we suffer. Oh, how we suffer. 

Not because we're in love. Suffering does not arise out of love but out of what we think love is. We don't fall in love with another person, we fall in love with our reflection in them. We fall in love with what they bring out in us. We don't fall in love with them. As a matter of fact, very few people have fallen in love. No, we get attached to people. And there's a huge difference.

Attachment brings fear. Why? Because we don't want our lover to change. We want the person to stay with us all the time, and love us the same. But that cannot be controlled. Life and time are both unstoppable forces. So, the anxiety. The sleepless nights. And that is why the institution of marriage was born. Because humans are anxious about their lovers. And they think that by binding someone else by law, they will not lose them. 

Such lies.

Oh, but love? Love understands life because it is life. Love understands that the lovers can change, but it will remain the same. Love does not try to hold on to the lovers, love knows it will exist regardless of the existence of the loved or the lover. And love is not possessive. Love will not lead you to the altar and demand that you swear your lives to each other unto death. Love is both passionate and cool. Love will give you the meaning of life. 

But it is not easy to love. Not when humans are wired for attachment. 

Ironically enough, humans get attached to those qualities in their partner that reflects them. That fulfills their deep desires. A people-pleaser falls for someone who does not get pleased easily. Why? Because then, the people-pleaser feels like they have to work for their "love". The more their partner dismisses them, the more harder they try to please. It fulfils some deep, innate desire inside the people-pleaser. 

Attachment is as simple as that. You attach yourself with those qualities in your partner that fulfill you emotionally. And isn't that ironic? Because we say we love someone else- wholly, unconditionally, but we end up loving the parts that please us in some way. And that's not love. Love is always whole. Love does not love in parts. 

And this is love's greatest lesson to us. Ultimately, you are falling in love with yourself. You are falling in love with the parts that your partner reflects of you. And you don't realize it. And eventually, all of this leads you to the delusion that you are in love with this person. You don't want this person to change, because then, you naively believe that your love will also change. Because you have associated love with this person and that is the most illogical thing ever. Love cannot be "associated" It cannot be held. It is there, simply. 

All seekers come to the same conclusion. Ultimately, our search for love leads us to ourselves. So, instead of longing for something from someone, find that within yourself. Loving yourself is the only way to live your life. Otherwise, you won't be living, you will be merely existing.